Dog woman, my arch nemesis

3 Feb

Dog woman in civilian dress, sans hound

So, we meet again dog woman…

She’s my forest arch nemesis. Last time I crossed her–last season–I was out in sticky yet slippery new snow on which I couldn’t get any grip even though I still had to stop every 50 meters to scrape my skis.

She came up from behind me and effortlessly passed me. I saw her Lycra muffin-topped booty float ahead and away from me in phantasmagoric tranquillity. There wasn’t the slightest sign of effort to disturb her significant keister.

Dog woman, you see, is a monster. In classical Greek kind of way. Like the half man, half goat Satyrs, like the half woman and a lot of snakes Medusa, etc. etc.

She is half pup, half diet failure and gets her imposing girth towed around the Eastern side of Nordmarka by a puny but exceedingly fit dog.

And she is evil. For several reasons.

First and foremost because she taunts me. I’m getting accustomed to being the fastest animal on skis in my part of the forest. This creates expectations that sometimes disturb my enjoyment. I don’t get passed but when I come up behind other skiers I often wonder whether I am faster then them. But then I reason that if I wasn’t faster I wouldn’t be creeping up on them in the first place. And staying at my normal, sustainable training speed I always more or less quickly get by them.

So far, so good. But then dog woman comes into the picture. Last night she glided onto my trail from a side artery. Right in front of me. All the better to appreciate the weighty roll spilling over her lycra tights.

Then, hound trotting on frenetically (curiously only one-headed but surely flesh-eating), she and her bulbous hams calmly glided out of sight.

Dog woman!

She is evil because:

  1. she cheats
  2. she knows she annoys me
  3. if her purpose wasn’t just to annoy me, she would actually ski (slowly) to burn off that butt

And, finally, she is evil because she must use dark forces and/or nasty ingredients to get insane ski glide. Probably virgin blood.

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One Response to “Dog woman, my arch nemesis”

  1. Sis February 9, 2010 at 8:49 pm #

    Of all your personal vendettas, this is one I can get behind.

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